Traditions, big and small
(The one about consciously creating memories)
It’s a sad fact that I’m now at the age where I’ve lost a few friends, including one dear friend, right before Christmas. It’s even harder to stomach that several of them are mothers leaving their partners and children to navigate life without them. It’s almost unthinkable that they have to…but you never think the worst will happen.
If you’ve been around here for a little bit, you know that one of my greatest fears is not being able to see my kids grow up. It feels especially acute after suffering these losses. But I can’t bubble wrap our life (or cure cancer, or prevent car accidents, or or or).
The way I’m choosing to deal with this deep ache is to create memories with my kids consciously. To start traditions they can hold onto for many years to come. To fight against the tides of despair with goodness and light.
If you follow me on Instagram (@ginabanksbooks), you probably saw that I did the Bonne Maman jam advent calendar with my kids for the second year. We got really into it, following a strict regime each morning:
Select the day’s jam from the calendar
Take a photo of the jam to remember it’s flavor
Spread a small amount of said jam on the tester’s choice of conveyance (pancake, bread, waffle, etc.)
Rate the jam from 1 to 10
Is it ridiculous to take a scientific approach to jam? Absolutely. But did the kids look forward to it each day? They sure did. And they are already talking about doing it again this year.
Just like putting up our Christmas tree on Black Friday, the jam test has become an annual tradition.
So, if you are feeling a bit unmoored by life, I recommend trying to create something tangible. I know it’s helped me.
What I’m Reading
While I waited for edits from Joanna on my heist rom-com, I tore through several Advanced Reader Copies courtesy of NetGalley. Below are a few that just released or will soon along with a link to my review of them. (Spoiler: they are all excellent).
Unromance by Erin Connor (released on January 14, 2025)
Earl Crush by Alexandra Vasti (releases on January 21, 2025)
Change of Heart by Falon Ballard (releases on February 11, 2025)
What I’m Eating
I received the amazing What to Cook When You Don’t Feel Like Cooking by
and have been cooking from it extensively. My favorite recipes so far are the steak and peppers sheet pan meal and fish over tomatoes and fennel. She organizes it by how much time you have making weeknight dinners much easier to plan. If you want to sample a recipe before buying, her Substack is also great.
I love your idea of creating traditions, and Bonne Mamman is my favorite jam!
Life can be such a contradiction sometimes. Moments of deep pain and loss walking arm-in-arm with moments of pure joy. I love that you were able to find happiness and meaning in this family tradition during a time of grief. It was so fun to watch along via IG stories! This kind of reminds me of that Mary Oliver quote:
“We shake with joy, we shake with grief.
What a time they have, these two
housed as they are in the same body.”