Romance Writing 101 (Part 2)

(The one about writing steamy scenes that don't mortify you)

When people hear that I write steamy rom-coms, the first question I usually get is, “How do you write those scenes?” Answer: “It’s hard.”

Whispers, “That’s what she said.”

In all seriousness, writing sexy, emotionally rich romantic scenes is a skill. The only way I’ve figured out how to do it is to dissociate from myself as I write them. Super healthy, right?

I have learned a few tricks along the way that I’m happy to pass along.

1. Write them like action scenes

   This might seem obvious, but because the reader has to be able to picture the scene in their minds, you need to be specific. Break down the scene into action beats from start to finish. And also make sure that it is physically possible…unless you are writing romantasy, and then, yes, bat wings can be an erogenous zone.

2. When in doubt, add emotion

   Once you have the *ahem* mechanics down, it’s time to layer in emotion and sensation. This is where interiority is your friend. Unless you are writing an omniscient narrator, you will be in one of your character’s heads during the scene. How are they feeling during each stage of the scene? Don’t be afraid to let it build to a crescendo (hey, we are writing romance). The best romances also make it about more than the act(s) themselves. How does each character approach the physical act? Is it something they do often and think isn’t a big deal? Has it been a while? Are they nervous? Excited? Both?

3. Play with time

   Especially when writing Young Adult or less experienced characters, my biggest piece of advice is to slooooow down. Every single touch will feel significant when it hasn’t happened before. If you are writing adults, then, I recommend taking your time with the first scene, but perhaps speeding things up in subsequent scenes. Too much steam will fog up your whole story :)

4. Make every choice based in character

   This is perhaps the most important lesson of all and what separates good romance from OnlyFans. If you have done a good job establishing the characters and truly understanding not only their emotional makeup but also their relationship to each other, then writing these scenes is fairly easy because you know what they need from each other. Every choice they make should be rooted in character and the wound they are trying to overcome by being together. If done right, the specific way these two (or three or more—no judgment), are romantic with each other is singular. As in, no one else could have had this scene but them, and it feels real on the page. Occasionally, I will read romantic scenes where the characters turn into warped versions of themselves as soon as things turn steamy, and it reads like the stereotype of bad adult films. A well-crafted scene should draw the reader in, not take them out of the story.

Your turn to weigh in. Who are some of your favorite authors for steamy scenes?

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What I’m Reading

It only seemed appropriate to highlight two books that are at the opposite ends of the steam spectrum in this issue. Ali Hazelwood’s Bride, is a steamy paranormal romance. The Alpha of the Weres and daughter of the Vampyres leader are forced to marry as a political alliance. Lowe (the Were) and Misery (the Vamp) form a tentative friendship which becomes more because did you forget you are reading a romance? There’s a reason Ali shot up to #2 on the NYT bestseller list. She’s one of the most fun, distinctive writers in contemporary romance and this book was wonderfully immersive and had interesting inter-species politics. Think of this like knotting for beginners, and if you are into it, check out the omegaverse on KU or in Lana Harper’s The Fake Mate.

Katherine Center’s forthcoming, The Rom-Commers, is a closed-door romance with charm and wit to spare. Emma is a talented rom-com screenwriter who never had a chance to realize her dreams—not when she's been taking care of her Dad for the past decade. So, when the opportunity of a lifetime comes—writing a rom-com with her FAVE screenwriter, Charlie—her sister agrees to help with her dad so she can get her big break. Small problem...Charlie has written a rom-com so bad that we need a better word for terrible. It's clear he has no concept of the tenets of rom-coms (the meet-cute, etc.) and it's so bafflingly awful maybe he doesn't even know what love is. Emma decides that she will make the script sparkle and convince Charlie that true love and hope are possible. When you combine a hopeless romantic and a cynical screenwriter, sparks fly!

This story was so much fun! I think it might be Katherine's most voicey book yet, with plenty of fourth-wall-breaking asides that made me laugh. It has charm and heart to spare. It releases on June 11, 2024.

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What I’m Eating

For those of you who still have their sourdough starter from the pandemic, I have the recipe for you: my talented friend Sarah Bonar’s Sourdough Chocolate Chip Cookies. Hope you love them :)